The Battle of the Sexes – Or Is It? (Part 2)

Quote of the Day: “Everybody can be great… because anybody can serve. You don’t have to have a college degree to serve. You don’t have to make your subject and verb agree to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today’s post is by Guest Blogger V. Anthony Rivers
Dearest Beautiful…

I feel as though you mistake me for another. For I seek what most men and
some women for that matter, take for granted. In my experience(s), I’ve come
across women who fear what feels right. They run from good intentions and
efforts that say, I do, I will, for always, forever…

I could never imagine nor fathom the idea of placing my heart on the line
only to present to you a false image of the future. That to me is a waste of
time that would only serve the purpose of leaving us both exhausted. Sure,
unforseeable things happen between two people but it’s always been my belief
that once a man is blessed with commitment from a woman, that’s when the
real fun begins…

A toy or a quick thrill?
Dearest, as I said, you mistake me for another. I see and even know many who play such games to fulfill what you accuse me of. At times because of disappointments in my own relationships, I too have considered going that route. To become a man interested only in quick thrills, mindless pursuits and efforts where paydirt is another notch on my
manhood. Crazy thing though; I once discovered what I’d always believed in my heart to be true and you know what that is? In a committed relationship, love gets better; it has
purpose and the sex? Very hot! Within the realms of commitment, a man is blessed
with the opportunity to learn all of your pleasure zones from head to toe; physically and mentally… I crave that sort of committed exploration.

Man to woman-
I present to you my own nakedness and truth for everyday I fight the very
same skepticism that you carry so close to your heart. This feeling which
causes you to doubt and question a man before he can even utter words like
“how are you today?” It hurts my heart to have that which I refer to as the
most beautiful blessing on earth(Woman) convict me without so much as having
the courage to investigate my heart on a personal level.

That question you place before me; “what is it you want from me?”
I sigh whenever I hear it. My adult life flashes before my eyes because it conjures up the disappointments that I too have suffered under the guise of love. I dont fear trying again but I do fear that after you’ve witnessed the ease in which I’m willing to share my heart and soul, you will then take it for granted or run because it’s not what you’ve become accustomed to when dealing with a man.

What is it that I seek?
A chance without early conviction… Run from me if I treat you wrong or curse me out but if I show to you sincerity, passion, kindness, comfort, support, honesty, and a desire to build something together based solely on the merits of my actions; reward me with your own sincerity. Don’t run if I treat you right… Don’t walk away from the possibility that forever could potentially be right here with me… I’m not afraid. I dream about it all the time…

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V. Anthony Rivers is the author of Daughter By Spirit and Everybody Got Issues and the upcoming My Life Is All I Have. He has also contributed to various anthologies including; Sistergirls.com, Chocolate Flava, Truth Be Told, and Love Is Never Painless. A native of Los Angeles, California he currently resides in Van Nuys, Ca.
Blog: http://vanthonyrivers.blogspot.com
Website: www.vanthonyrivers.com

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The Battle of the Sexes – Or Is It? (Part I)

Quote of the day: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Today’s post is by Guest Blogger Sharon “Shaye” Gray

Dearest Handsome,

Is it all a farce?
A devilish ploy, designed and passed down through a wicked fraternal tradition, to make an innocent succumb to the perils of premarital sex and other various faux relationship woos.Am I your toy?
Your ultimate conquest?
Make her whimper-fall prey to the big bad wolf? Am I this said prey that has beeen once hunted in pure play in hunt of a quick thrill?
Is this deviant and ill-composed ‘chase’ really worth future heartache of another?

Are you playing me?

What is it you desire?
My sex?
My squeals from intimacy induced dances?

I plead in lack of angst or even in seek of anything else beyond pure curiosity derived from my deep skepticism, grave fear and horrific past heartbreak.

What is it that you want from me?

Woman to man—
Straight with no chaser
I present to you in all of my nakedness. My truth.

Will you let me be…let me free…leave me…
If it is so—that your intentions are tainted for other desires than love.

If you seek a lover—solely and purposefully please let it be known and save me another grudgingly heartache at the expense of my dignity.

Let me be.

If you seek a buzz—a quick sexual jolt, an exchange of temporary ecstasy—be loud with your tongue and speak your rendition of the truth. I will listen.

Do you not aspire all of my essence in which enthralls one and weaves a collage of passions and whimsical tales of wanderlust?

You see…and I whisper this from within so mark my honesty with my life and the life of my unborn.

I like divinely, adore intensely and love immensely.

That’s my hand of truth—in all is bare so I plead in earnest repertoire,
For you to reveal your earthy intentions with me. My affair. My adulation. My love
Confess now, let it generously, and mercifully unfold…
Is it, indeed all a farce, as it was softly, from above, undoubtedly told?
To me. About you.

What is it that you seek?

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Sharon “Shaye” Gray is the Co-Founder of Essentially Women Writing Group, and co owns Eve’s Literary Services with Lorraine Elzia. Ms. Gray works full time as a high school teacher and part time as an evening instructor for adult education; she has her B.A in English, Master’s degree in Public Administration and Doctorate in Higher Educational Leadership with an emphasis in Adult Education.

Guest Blogger – Unequally Yoked

Unequally Yoked

What’s a couple to do when they discover they’re unequally yoked,

They’re in love…

Had a nice wedding,

The sex is hot and often…

Occasionally they have conversations…

But,

Now you knew there would be a but or two…

Ambition wise they couldn’t be more different,

Her focus is climbing the corporate ladder, shattering glass ceilings,

He is perfectly content, going to work eight hours a day, five days a week,

Then coming home to dinner, hopefully prepared by her, having a drink, chilling out with his head in her lap, watching ESPN,

Or,

She wants a baby right now,

Her biological clock is ticking, racing and winding down,

He would just as soon wait until they are forty, after all isn’t life just fine, the way it is…

When do these conversations take place?

During the courtship,

On the honeymoon,

Two years in,

On the way to the break-up?

I’m not sure I know the answer for all,

And I certainly understand, that we can’t be totally yoked,

However, when it comes to things as serious,

As babies and lifetime aspirations,

Some things probably should be planned before the broom is jumped…

What do you think?

Blessings,

Angelia

http://acvermen.blogspot.com/

C stands for Cheater

If you’ve ever been cheated on then you know how it feels to be betrayed. The one who is supposed to have your back, stabs you in the back.  Sometimes the woman he cheated with might not know he’s already involved, but then there are times, well there are times when they know. 

The old saying “it takes two to tango” holds true for cheating. Have you ever met a guy and knew he was offlimits, but still felt the need to get to know him better? Did you trick yourself into believing you could just be friends, but ended up in between the sheets? Did he make false promises saying that his wife or girlfriend doesn’t understand him and he can’t wait to get rid of them for you?

If you’ve ever found yourself in any of the above situations, you are an enabler. You have enabled the man to cheat. How? Well, knowing upfront that a man is involved should have been a sign to you that he is “no good.” Grant it, he might be good in between the sheets, but morally, if he cheats on the woman he has at home with you, then first of all he has little respect for you.

Why be with a man that doesn’t respect you? If he doesn’t respect you, he will treat you like a trick. Oh, he might be spending some benjamins on you, but honey child, where is the respect?

Ask yourself, if you were the woman, would you like the fact that your man is out sleeping with someone else? You already know the answer to that is not NO, but in the words of Whitney, “Hell to the Naw.”

So the next time a man who has a wife or girlfriend offer you his love (a/k/a the beef) without hesitation, tell him you’re not the one and if that doesn’t work, threaten to kick him in the balls. Okay, that might be a little extreme, but you get the point.

C stands for Cheater–don’t be an enabler.

To Compromise or Not Compromise That is the Question

question-mark-gif.gifNever change yourself to fit someone else’s needs, because guess what–their needs will change.

I made that statement to someone last week and it stuck with me all weekend. I’m single and meeting new people and wonder if I’m too outspoken, but then I thought about it. If a man can’t deal with a strong willed woman, then he shouldn’t waste my time nor his.

I asked myself the question–How many times have you compromised in a past relationship? The truth. More than I care to put out into cyberspace. But I refuse to compromise again. I had a nice talk with one of my exes recently and they were shocked at some of the things I told them. Mainly because I held back some things when we were together because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. In the end, me holding back was one of the causes that led to the demise of our relationship. It got to a point where I didn’t care to be in his presence but I wasn’t communicating a lot of issues I was having with him.

Going forward, I promised myself that I will express myself more and be me and whoever can’t deal with it, can keep on keeping on.

Do We Know What We Want?

Have you ever set down and wrote out a list of the qualities you’re looking for in a man? You know the list that is your ideal Mr. Right. Have you ever met a man that’s come close to the things you have on your list? If so, are you with the guy now or did you find out that the guy isn’t really the guy you wanted even though he fit the criteria you’ve been searching for.

I know exactly what I want, but unfortunately I haven’t met “him” yet 🙂

One of my male friends insists that we women say we want a good man with x,y,z qualities, but when we get him we find something else wrong…I told him he’s got it all twisted.  So the question I ask is do you think we really know what we want or we, as women, never satisified?

I Once Believed

I once believed that if I loved the man I was with unconditionally, that he would return the love unconditionally. Not only would he love me, he would always have my best interest at heart.

I once believed that if I opened up and just be myself that he would learn to appreciate me for who I am and not for what he could get out of me. I thought communicating my innermost thoughts and feelings would bring us closer and that maybe my opinions actually did matter.

Reality stung when I realized that I was the only person in love, not him. Feeling as if I spent wasted hours and wasted years on something that was not to be; wondering sometimes hopelessly if I’ll ever find true love or continue this life’s journey by myself.

Virtual Dating Is It For You?

Here’s something I wrote earlier this year when I was guest blogging:

The internet has become the new way to meet people; whether looking for a casual or long-term relationship. Although dating is dating, virtual dating adds an extra element. There are pros and cons to virtual dating.

Pro – You get to learn a few things about the person before meeting them in person.
Con – The person on the other end of the computer may not be who they say they are.

Pro – Both parties are given a chance to be attracted to the inner beauty and not be blindsided by the person’s physical attributes.
Con – A picture or description can be fabricated and what you see when you actually meet might not be who you envisioned.

Pro – You don’t have to leave the comfort of your home.
Con – It can be anti-social and you won’t be able to see how the other person acts in a social setting.

Overall when it comes to virtual dating safety is important. Although you may chat, instant message, etc. on a daily basis, in reality you still don’t know the person. If you decide to meet in person, someone close to you should have all of the other person’s information just in case something happens. I would even suggest that not only do you meet in a public place but take a friend along with you (even if the friend sits at another table).

Beware, the person on the other end of the computer screen can be whoever they want to be while hiding behind a screen name.

Virtual dating doesn’t always mean real! Virtual dating can be fun, but it can’t replace face to face interaction.

Shelia M Goss writes women’s fiction. She’s the Essence Magazine Bestselling author of My Invisible Husband, Roses are thorns, Violets are true and Paige’s Web. For more information, visit www.sheliagoss.com or www.myspace.com/sheliagoss.

Fizzle, Fizzle

African American Profile GraphicsThere are many love songs talking about the end of relationships and how hard it is to say good-bye. Relationships end for a number of reasons, someone cheating, beating, or what have you…but what if it just didn’t work out…what if you love the person but know that he or she is just not the one for you and you’re only wasting each other’s time or avoiding the inevitable–a breakup??? How do you end the relationship or do you just let it fizzle out?

When do you know the spark is gone in a relationship…when it’s over…no going back…no recharging of the batteries…okay you get the point 🙂

Single, Committed or Married – Save the Drama

As a single woman and dating, you run into all sorts of men. For the most part, most men who approach are single. But then there are those who forget that they have a significant other.

Let me first define single, because unfortunately there are those that don’t know or just don’t care. Single is Not Married. If there is a Mrs. Jones in the horizon, you are not single. I will even add that if you are in a committed relationship and you both agreed to not see other people, you are not really in the “single” category either…you’re in the “not married” category, but you have someone and you’re not really single…so don’t approach women acting like you’re “footloose and fancy free.”

If you’re unhappy with the one you’re with, then move on before trying to get someone else involved in your drama. Life shouldn’t be that complicated.

I was watching this Lifetime movie last night. The main character’s husband cheated on her. She didn’t confront him about it immediately, instead she went out and did the same thing. Does it make it right? No. Two wrongs don’t make a right. In this case, her doing the same thing ended up deadly. The man she cheated with became obsessive. Cheating not only destroys the bond between the two people involved, it can destroy families.

It kind of makes you leery on jumping into a relationship. Trust definately has to be there. Makes me wonder what happens in a relationship that’s so bad, that it’ll cause a person to go outside of it to seek sexual gratification or are they looking for an emotional attachment that’s missing from the relationship they are in.

Have you ever gotten involved with someone who lied to you about being married or in a relationship? If so, how did you deal with the situation? If you are the one who cheated, what were some of your reasons?

Maturity – Is It a State of Mind?

Last year I did a relationship poll about dating someone younger. Out of the women who participated in the poll, most agreed that MATURITY is important no matter how old the man is (younger or older). 42 percent said they would date or marry a man 5 years younger, 25 percent said 10 years younger, 25 percent said that age didn’t matter and 8 percent said 2 years younger. One person made a comment that they preferred men who were 5 to 10 years older.

I’ve dated younger and older men and for me, it’s a toss up. I have found that age does not determine whether the man is mature. If the man is older, I would expect him to be more mature, but unfortunately, it’s no guarantee. Sometimes the young guys are looking for a substitute mommy and that’s not cool either. No, I’m not going to cook for you, clean for you or wash your dirty drawers (yes, I went there).

When it all boils down to it, it’s about finding a man who is compatible with you on all levels (mentally, spiritually, physically, etc.). Whether it’s with a guy your age, older or younger, maturity is a state of mind.

How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/   After a break-up, it’s time to be selfish. When I say this, I mean make sure you are taking care of you. Regardless of who is responsible for the break-up, going through the demise of a relationship can hurt. Allow yourself to feel, but don’t wallow in self-pity. Continue to live your life and in some cases you might need to pick up where you left off before you got into that relationship.

The question for today is “How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?”

Having Issues in your Relationship?

Are you in a new relationship? Has your current relationship lost some of its pizzazz? Here are a few simple ways to help make your relationship stronger.

Excerpt From the Article – Tips on Making Your Relationship Stronger by Shelia M. Goss

•        Listen to your mate. Sounds simple doesn’t it? When was the last time you really took the time to listen to what your mate has to say? Next time you talk, try not to interrupt—be a sounding board.
•        Give your mate your undivided attention. This means that sometimes you need to let that call go to voice mail; turn off the TV; pull yourself away from email and that computer—you get the point.
•        Schedule a date night. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, new and old couples need a night just to themselves. If you have kids, find a reliable babysitter. Do what you have to do so that you and your mate can keep the flames burning. Keep in tune to what attracted you to your mate in the first place.
•        Allow your mate some “me time.” Every now and then we all need to spend time away from our mates—whether it’s to read, a long hot bubble bath, a trip to the spa, hanging out with friends, or just quiet time alone. Believe it or not this can help your relationship.
•        Give a card, send an email/text message or make a phone call “just because.” Don’t wait for special holidays or birthdays to show that you care. Do something every week, if not every day to let your mate know that you’re thinking of them. And not out of any obligation, but because of your genuine affection towards them.
•        Share a part of yourself that you don’t share with anyone else. This helps create a special bond and should bring you closer.
•        Make a special CD with both of your favorite songs. Don’t forget to make duplicates so you both can have a copy to listen to when you’re apart (smile).

www.sheliagoss.com

What are some things you’ve tried that have added spice into your love life?

No My First Name Ain’t Baby

Does your man refuse to talk?I never thought 20 years later, I would be singing lyrics to an old Janet Jackson song, “No, my first name ain’t baby,” but I am.

Why do men take it upon themselves to call women, “baby” during the course of a conversation?

Is it used as a term of endearment or does it go deeper than that?

Several years ago, a male friend, who we’ll call “John,” did something that surprised me. I observed him speak with several women over a span of a few hours. Each time they called, instead of saying their name, his initial greeting was “Hi Baby.”

After the umpteenth call, I decided to ask him, “Why do you call those women Baby instead of using their names?”

His response surprised me. “It gives me time to either pick up on their voice or have them tell me who they are,” he responded.

All I could say was, “Oh I see.”

John taught me that evening to pay close attention to when a man uses the word “baby.”

When I hear it now, I don’t take the man too seriously. I find myself crinkling up whenever I hear it.

Does the word “baby” irritate you like it irritates me? Some men use the term so much that it becomes a habit. I’ve heard so many men use it out of habit that they probably aren’t aware of how annoying it can be.

I tried to get over the annoyance when I met this new guy and he used it. Well that is, until I heard him use it when talking to a cashier, a mutual stranger, at the store. Afterwards, hearing him call me “baby” didn’t hold that same warm fuzzy feeling it once did.

Men, please beware and don’t use the word to every Sue, Jill, and Jane you come across. And women the next time a man says it to you, why not let him know that, “No my first name ain’t baby, it’s…”

It could be worse; they could be calling us another B word.

A Pimpstress has Four Kinds of Men

This was sent to me by my friend Kem. Her version had the pics. Sorry ladies, the pics wouldn’t come through on here.

Do you agree or disagree with this anonymous author?

Type #1 – THE HUSBAND

He is the sweetest, loving, kind man you know. His intellect makes him sexy although he is handsome. He treats you like a queen and puts you first. He takes care of the kids, you and home. This is the man you love coming home to. He spoils you with gifts and is a hard worker.


Type #2 – THE BOO


This one is sexy as hell! This is the dude that you’ve known for years, kinda your homey-lover-friend! No matter who is in your life or who is in his life, you and your BOO seem to always have a thing for each other. Your BOO has a wifey, so he has as much to lose as you do, therefore you are guaranteed that ya’ll relationship is on the ‘DL’. You run to your BOO when your husband “F” up! Your BOO gives you comfort and the sex is da bomb, which explains why you can’t leave him alone!

Type #3 – THE MAINTENANCE MAN

This is Mr. Wine and Dine. He has the charm, the romance and a body like a stripper! He is the one you call every now an then when HUSBAND and BOO done pissed you off! He really wants to be your HUSBAND or BOO on the low but he knows his role. HUSBAND will never suspect a thing because this man is the deacon at your church and well respected in the community so no one would know of ya’ll secret love affair. You sneak and go on trips and getaways. He keeps that bank account tight.

Type #4 – The Ruff Neck 

This is the man we fantasize about when HUSBAND, BOO and THE MAINTENANCE man just not doing it for you! This is Mr. Bad Boy, he got the body from hell, the tattoos, and the motorcycle. You call on him when you want your back blown out, the bottom hit, and you want to walk bow legged for a couple days. He is the man HUSBAND sees and knows he needs to get on the treadmill to lose those extra pounds he has gained since ya’ll been married. THE RUFF NECK is the one that rock the suits in the day and trade the Armani in for tims and jeans at night. He is pulled out in emergencies only and you can’t resist to get your freak on in the craziest places, (in the car, the back of a vacant building, etc.) because his main goal is to tear it up! THE RUFF NECK is in your cell phone as one of your homegirls named Tee-Tee!