OPB Friday…Relationships, Books, New York 2 Drama and more

O.P.B. stands for Other People Blogs. These are a few places I visited this past week. Check them out:

New Song by Janet Jackson – Is it a Hit or Miss? You Decide: Feedback – LISTEN

Single Black Male has several interesting posts on his blog.  Check out Fundamental Character Flaw.

Don over at Minus the Bars talked about “A man aint supposed to cry…”

MegaRich asked the question about today’s AA books – Are they any good?

One of my favorite writers Bettye Griffin interviewed another writer I admire over on her blog.

Marcia King-Gamble is a national best selling author who has written for Kensington, BET Books and St. Martin’s Press. She now writes for several Harlequin lines.  – Five Questions for . . . Marcia King-Gamble Welcom…

Princess Dominique has  I Love New York 2 Drama – The Buddha Conspiracy on her blog, plus several other entertainment posts.

Well… at this point in time on the show I have summarized conclusively that New York “sexually get’s off” on drama. I am wholly a pleaser by nature, so drama is what I give her. The Punk is a COMPLETE back-stabber and uses New York’s trust in him to manipulate her with his lies. What you also didn’t see is while he was conspiring and plotting against me behind my back he was pretending everything was all good to my face… until I called him out on it… you call it. He got played and pimped by New York but I’m sure he found plenty of other boys to wrestle in South Beach before leaving. Read more…

Bishop Thomas Weeks III and Juanita Bynum on the Morning Shows

This week’s eye candy comes courtesy of Karen Knows Best.

Adrianne Byrd always knows how to find the best eye candy. Check out the hunk for this week:


C stands for Cheater

If you’ve ever been cheated on then you know how it feels to be betrayed. The one who is supposed to have your back, stabs you in the back.  Sometimes the woman he cheated with might not know he’s already involved, but then there are times, well there are times when they know. 

The old saying “it takes two to tango” holds true for cheating. Have you ever met a guy and knew he was offlimits, but still felt the need to get to know him better? Did you trick yourself into believing you could just be friends, but ended up in between the sheets? Did he make false promises saying that his wife or girlfriend doesn’t understand him and he can’t wait to get rid of them for you?

If you’ve ever found yourself in any of the above situations, you are an enabler. You have enabled the man to cheat. How? Well, knowing upfront that a man is involved should have been a sign to you that he is “no good.” Grant it, he might be good in between the sheets, but morally, if he cheats on the woman he has at home with you, then first of all he has little respect for you.

Why be with a man that doesn’t respect you? If he doesn’t respect you, he will treat you like a trick. Oh, he might be spending some benjamins on you, but honey child, where is the respect?

Ask yourself, if you were the woman, would you like the fact that your man is out sleeping with someone else? You already know the answer to that is not NO, but in the words of Whitney, “Hell to the Naw.”

So the next time a man who has a wife or girlfriend offer you his love (a/k/a the beef) without hesitation, tell him you’re not the one and if that doesn’t work, threaten to kick him in the balls. Okay, that might be a little extreme, but you get the point.

C stands for Cheater–don’t be an enabler.

To Compromise or Not Compromise That is the Question

question-mark-gif.gifNever change yourself to fit someone else’s needs, because guess what–their needs will change.

I made that statement to someone last week and it stuck with me all weekend. I’m single and meeting new people and wonder if I’m too outspoken, but then I thought about it. If a man can’t deal with a strong willed woman, then he shouldn’t waste my time nor his.

I asked myself the question–How many times have you compromised in a past relationship? The truth. More than I care to put out into cyberspace. But I refuse to compromise again. I had a nice talk with one of my exes recently and they were shocked at some of the things I told them. Mainly because I held back some things when we were together because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings. In the end, me holding back was one of the causes that led to the demise of our relationship. It got to a point where I didn’t care to be in his presence but I wasn’t communicating a lot of issues I was having with him.

Going forward, I promised myself that I will express myself more and be me and whoever can’t deal with it, can keep on keeping on.

Do We Know What We Want?

Have you ever set down and wrote out a list of the qualities you’re looking for in a man? You know the list that is your ideal Mr. Right. Have you ever met a man that’s come close to the things you have on your list? If so, are you with the guy now or did you find out that the guy isn’t really the guy you wanted even though he fit the criteria you’ve been searching for.

I know exactly what I want, but unfortunately I haven’t met “him” yet 🙂

One of my male friends insists that we women say we want a good man with x,y,z qualities, but when we get him we find something else wrong…I told him he’s got it all twisted.  So the question I ask is do you think we really know what we want or we, as women, never satisified?

I Once Believed

I once believed that if I loved the man I was with unconditionally, that he would return the love unconditionally. Not only would he love me, he would always have my best interest at heart.

I once believed that if I opened up and just be myself that he would learn to appreciate me for who I am and not for what he could get out of me. I thought communicating my innermost thoughts and feelings would bring us closer and that maybe my opinions actually did matter.

Reality stung when I realized that I was the only person in love, not him. Feeling as if I spent wasted hours and wasted years on something that was not to be; wondering sometimes hopelessly if I’ll ever find true love or continue this life’s journey by myself.

Virtual Dating Is It For You?

Here’s something I wrote earlier this year when I was guest blogging:

The internet has become the new way to meet people; whether looking for a casual or long-term relationship. Although dating is dating, virtual dating adds an extra element. There are pros and cons to virtual dating.

Pro – You get to learn a few things about the person before meeting them in person.
Con – The person on the other end of the computer may not be who they say they are.

Pro – Both parties are given a chance to be attracted to the inner beauty and not be blindsided by the person’s physical attributes.
Con – A picture or description can be fabricated and what you see when you actually meet might not be who you envisioned.

Pro – You don’t have to leave the comfort of your home.
Con – It can be anti-social and you won’t be able to see how the other person acts in a social setting.

Overall when it comes to virtual dating safety is important. Although you may chat, instant message, etc. on a daily basis, in reality you still don’t know the person. If you decide to meet in person, someone close to you should have all of the other person’s information just in case something happens. I would even suggest that not only do you meet in a public place but take a friend along with you (even if the friend sits at another table).

Beware, the person on the other end of the computer screen can be whoever they want to be while hiding behind a screen name.

Virtual dating doesn’t always mean real! Virtual dating can be fun, but it can’t replace face to face interaction.

Shelia M Goss writes women’s fiction. She’s the Essence Magazine Bestselling author of My Invisible Husband, Roses are thorns, Violets are true and Paige’s Web. For more information, visit www.sheliagoss.com or www.myspace.com/sheliagoss.

Fizzle, Fizzle

African American Profile GraphicsThere are many love songs talking about the end of relationships and how hard it is to say good-bye. Relationships end for a number of reasons, someone cheating, beating, or what have you…but what if it just didn’t work out…what if you love the person but know that he or she is just not the one for you and you’re only wasting each other’s time or avoiding the inevitable–a breakup??? How do you end the relationship or do you just let it fizzle out?

When do you know the spark is gone in a relationship…when it’s over…no going back…no recharging of the batteries…okay you get the point 🙂

Single, Committed or Married – Save the Drama

As a single woman and dating, you run into all sorts of men. For the most part, most men who approach are single. But then there are those who forget that they have a significant other.

Let me first define single, because unfortunately there are those that don’t know or just don’t care. Single is Not Married. If there is a Mrs. Jones in the horizon, you are not single. I will even add that if you are in a committed relationship and you both agreed to not see other people, you are not really in the “single” category either…you’re in the “not married” category, but you have someone and you’re not really single…so don’t approach women acting like you’re “footloose and fancy free.”

If you’re unhappy with the one you’re with, then move on before trying to get someone else involved in your drama. Life shouldn’t be that complicated.

I was watching this Lifetime movie last night. The main character’s husband cheated on her. She didn’t confront him about it immediately, instead she went out and did the same thing. Does it make it right? No. Two wrongs don’t make a right. In this case, her doing the same thing ended up deadly. The man she cheated with became obsessive. Cheating not only destroys the bond between the two people involved, it can destroy families.

It kind of makes you leery on jumping into a relationship. Trust definately has to be there. Makes me wonder what happens in a relationship that’s so bad, that it’ll cause a person to go outside of it to seek sexual gratification or are they looking for an emotional attachment that’s missing from the relationship they are in.

Have you ever gotten involved with someone who lied to you about being married or in a relationship? If so, how did you deal with the situation? If you are the one who cheated, what were some of your reasons?

Maturity – Is It a State of Mind?

Last year I did a relationship poll about dating someone younger. Out of the women who participated in the poll, most agreed that MATURITY is important no matter how old the man is (younger or older). 42 percent said they would date or marry a man 5 years younger, 25 percent said 10 years younger, 25 percent said that age didn’t matter and 8 percent said 2 years younger. One person made a comment that they preferred men who were 5 to 10 years older.

I’ve dated younger and older men and for me, it’s a toss up. I have found that age does not determine whether the man is mature. If the man is older, I would expect him to be more mature, but unfortunately, it’s no guarantee. Sometimes the young guys are looking for a substitute mommy and that’s not cool either. No, I’m not going to cook for you, clean for you or wash your dirty drawers (yes, I went there).

When it all boils down to it, it’s about finding a man who is compatible with you on all levels (mentally, spiritually, physically, etc.). Whether it’s with a guy your age, older or younger, maturity is a state of mind.

How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?

http://www.relationshiptalk.net/   After a break-up, it’s time to be selfish. When I say this, I mean make sure you are taking care of you. Regardless of who is responsible for the break-up, going through the demise of a relationship can hurt. Allow yourself to feel, but don’t wallow in self-pity. Continue to live your life and in some cases you might need to pick up where you left off before you got into that relationship.

The question for today is “How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?”

Having Issues in your Relationship?

Are you in a new relationship? Has your current relationship lost some of its pizzazz? Here are a few simple ways to help make your relationship stronger.

Excerpt From the Article – Tips on Making Your Relationship Stronger by Shelia M. Goss

•        Listen to your mate. Sounds simple doesn’t it? When was the last time you really took the time to listen to what your mate has to say? Next time you talk, try not to interrupt—be a sounding board.
•        Give your mate your undivided attention. This means that sometimes you need to let that call go to voice mail; turn off the TV; pull yourself away from email and that computer—you get the point.
•        Schedule a date night. Whether it’s once a week or once a month, new and old couples need a night just to themselves. If you have kids, find a reliable babysitter. Do what you have to do so that you and your mate can keep the flames burning. Keep in tune to what attracted you to your mate in the first place.
•        Allow your mate some “me time.” Every now and then we all need to spend time away from our mates—whether it’s to read, a long hot bubble bath, a trip to the spa, hanging out with friends, or just quiet time alone. Believe it or not this can help your relationship.
•        Give a card, send an email/text message or make a phone call “just because.” Don’t wait for special holidays or birthdays to show that you care. Do something every week, if not every day to let your mate know that you’re thinking of them. And not out of any obligation, but because of your genuine affection towards them.
•        Share a part of yourself that you don’t share with anyone else. This helps create a special bond and should bring you closer.
•        Make a special CD with both of your favorite songs. Don’t forget to make duplicates so you both can have a copy to listen to when you’re apart (smile).


What are some things you’ve tried that have added spice into your love life?

No My First Name Ain’t Baby

Does your man refuse to talk?I never thought 20 years later, I would be singing lyrics to an old Janet Jackson song, “No, my first name ain’t baby,” but I am.

Why do men take it upon themselves to call women, “baby” during the course of a conversation?

Is it used as a term of endearment or does it go deeper than that?

Several years ago, a male friend, who we’ll call “John,” did something that surprised me. I observed him speak with several women over a span of a few hours. Each time they called, instead of saying their name, his initial greeting was “Hi Baby.”

After the umpteenth call, I decided to ask him, “Why do you call those women Baby instead of using their names?”

His response surprised me. “It gives me time to either pick up on their voice or have them tell me who they are,” he responded.

All I could say was, “Oh I see.”

John taught me that evening to pay close attention to when a man uses the word “baby.”

When I hear it now, I don’t take the man too seriously. I find myself crinkling up whenever I hear it.

Does the word “baby” irritate you like it irritates me? Some men use the term so much that it becomes a habit. I’ve heard so many men use it out of habit that they probably aren’t aware of how annoying it can be.

I tried to get over the annoyance when I met this new guy and he used it. Well that is, until I heard him use it when talking to a cashier, a mutual stranger, at the store. Afterwards, hearing him call me “baby” didn’t hold that same warm fuzzy feeling it once did.

Men, please beware and don’t use the word to every Sue, Jill, and Jane you come across. And women the next time a man says it to you, why not let him know that, “No my first name ain’t baby, it’s…”

It could be worse; they could be calling us another B word.

Is Love Blind?

You’ve probably seen a friend or family member get involved with someone who is obviously not the right person for them. We may have been in a relationship with the one person we probably had no reason being involved with. Why? 
It starts with an L and ends with an E or it could end with a T. Lust led to love and love can be blind. Simple.

How many times has someone tried to warn you about a man who you later find out to be a dog with a capital D? Sometimes our own intuition kicks in and warns us that he is not the one, but we ignore our internal radar and fall for the handsome face or buff body.

Here are a few sure signs you need to run away (regardless if he’s heterosexual, bisexual or just came out of the closet gay):

1. If your man is constantly getting checked out by gay men, run the other way.
2. If your man stays in the mirror more than you do, you might want to think again and run the other way.
3. If your man uses vaseline on his lips, you got it–run the other way.
4. If your man stops pleasing you sexually, don’t stand for it–run the other way.
5. If your family and friends tell you something just ain’t right about him–listen–they can see something you can’t–run the other way.

Okay, I think you get the point. To PROTECT your heart AND your HEALTH, you must take off the blinders and see the man for who and what he is.

Love might be blind, but that doesn’t mean you have to be.

Word count for WIP

Zokutou word meterZokutou word meter

50000 / 70,000

Prenupts – For or Against?

Prenuptial agreements are not just for the rich. If you have property such as a home, possibility of inheriting property, own your own business, help put a spouse through school, or a spouse helps put you through school, etc. a prenupt might be something you would want to consider. A prenupt protects both parties involved.

Women these days are making just as much (if not more) money than men, so getting a prenupt before marriage isn’t just something to benefit the man anymore. Grant it, the mention of “prenupt” might make a man or woman run away. Especially if they feel that the mere idea of one is a sign that the relationship isn’t as solid as it should be or that the party requesting the other person to sign one doesn’t believe “in their love” enough. A prenupt isn’t personal, it’s business. It’s a way to protect yourself. In the ideal world, “Until death do us part” would be true 100 percent of the time, but unfortunately divorce does happen–especially if relationships are based on false pretenses.

Do you believe in prenupts? What if you are the one with the money or potential to make a lot of money? Should it be the deciding factor on whether or not you marry?

Love at First Sight

How to seduce anyone. Do you believe in love at first sight? In the book, My Invisible Husband, Nikki is immediately attracted to Byron even though she wouldn’t admit it. Some would say, it was love at first sight.

I’ve seen surveys that both men and women believe there is “love at first sight” and in fact, I asked this question to a few males and out of the males asked, 95 percent agreed that “love at first sight” exists.

I’m a romantic and would love to meet a man and him and I instantly fall in love like in the movies or some of the romance stories I write. But it has yet to happen to me. I have been in “lust at first sight.”

Have you ever experienced “love at first sight?” If so, are you still with that love or did it fizzle because it was more “lust” at first sight instead?