Should an Ex Remain an Ex?

 Song of the Day – End of the Road by Boyz II Men

Have you ever broken up with a guy and then days, weeks, or months later gotten back together? Did anything change that second time around? As I look back on the times that I went back to an ex, I realize now that in most cases, it was a huge mistake. After awhile, one or both of us was back to doing whatever it was that caused us to break up in the first place.

There was a time I was “so in love” with this particular guy that we had this on again/off again relationship for a few years. The last and final time we broke up, I FINALLY realized that he was like a bad habit–hard to get rid of. To break that unhealthy cycle, I couldn’t put the blame on him, but did some self-reflection. I had to love me more and realize that it was unhealthy to be in a “yo-yo” type relationship. It wasn’t easy at first, but one day became a week and the next thing you know–it’s years later.

I don’t regret the decision I made to end things with him that final time because once I let go and didn’t allow him back into my life, my life was so much better. He had not months, but several years to show me that he was the man for me. Although he supposedly was hurting when I made that decision to end it, he no longer tried to convince me othewise.

I’ve been in other relationships since then and there were times I was tempted to GO BACK with an EX, but I didn’t. One lesson I learned is that AN EX IS AN EX FOR A REASON and should remain an EX.

I know it’s easier in this day and age to deal with someone you have history with than meeting someone new. With someone new, you don’t know what you’re going to get. But then on the other hand, with an EX, you do know what you’re getting and remember there’s a reason why they are an EX. So is it really worth your peace of mind, just to say that you’re in a relationship? If I were to answer for myself, I would say “NO.” Being free of an EX is freeing you up to learn more about yourself–taking time to love yourself more–and possibly opening the door for love from the person that God has for you.

Have you ever gone back with an ex? Did things change the second time around for better or worse? If you had to do it all over again, would you have not gone back?

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12 comments on “Should an Ex Remain an Ex?

  1. Sometimes it works for people. I think that’s why one of my favorite romance plots is the “reunited lovers.” I think it feeds my hopeful belief that people who really belong together can get it together eventually even if years separate them. But in my real life… I had an on again off again that lasted years and just never worked. We are both married to different people now. Sometimes it just isn’t meant to be…

    Gwyneth

  2. Gwyneth, I too like the “reunited lovers” plots. I won’t say I’m a hopeless romantic, but I love happy endings. Unfortunately, life isn’t always about happy endings…but when lovers do reunite and can get past “the past”, it can be a beautiful thing. I haven’t experienced “the happy ending” myself, but it happens.

  3. I married my ex, so I will say no an ex shouldn’t remain an ex. It definitely depends on the break-up. If you peacefully parted ways that’s not bad, but if he/she bashed your head in and you were force to flee, then yes an ex should stay an ex.

  4. Mrs Grapevine, glad to hear of another happy ending 🙂 You made some good points. Definately hard to part ways peacefully if there was any type of abuse–physically or mentally.

  5. i think it can work…depending on the people involved, what caused the break-up and how committed they are to working it out. My scenario was much like yours – dated for years, brokeup, made up, repeat…until finally I said “Enough”. (And meant it. LOL)

  6. Sheila, your blog is nice. Very subtle yet dynamic colors. I like it. Like it alot.

    As far as past relationships, there are some who I wish I could rekindle things with, and some who I wish I’d never met.

    I agree, there’s a reason why an ex is exactly that. But you did dude wrong…lol

  7. 🙂 Don. Well after the umpteenth time, I just felt like one of us had to end the cycle. Since it was obviousl it wasn’t going to be him, I did. Did it hurt to do it? Of course it did, but I don’t regret it.

    P.S. – Why after posting this last night, I had a dream about this particular ex??? In the dream, he was trying to get back with me. It didn’t work because his daugther kept saying how he would sleep with her mama. I’m like dang. You can’t even act right in my dream…lol…okay, I know too much information…back to work.

  8. I married my ex after we had split up for about 2 years. He went away to graduate school so that he would be able to take care of me. We started back speaking on September 11, 2001 he proposed on my birthday, May 31, 2002, and were married on February 8, 2003.

  9. Awe Makasha. You all are trying to make me rethink things, but I won’t…lol No, he didn’t beat me nor was he abusive. I just got tired of the merry go round.

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